These are the rules that I set for myself. I’m not sure if they would work for others.
Ultimately, I depend and depended on MYSELF to heal and rebuild, with support and input from many kind souls.
I started my process with rule number 4. I worked on the soul-mind, reuniting them, ensuring that I really knew what my stand was. This phase took a lot of soul searching, study of the Quran, and research. Connecting with beautiful souls via FB was so enriching and helped me tremendously.
I then attacked Rules number 1, 2 and 3 when I came out of my cave. It sounds petty, but Rule number 6 has been the most difficult for me. The horrendous physical transformation (skin and weight particularly) are just so difficult to reverse or improve. But it is important, and I do not wish to be in denial. I ask myself, is this important to me? My answer is yes, thus I must do something about it.
Once I had Rules 1, 2, 3 & 4 in place or moving steadily forwards, Rule 5 became quite a natural process. The healing just seemed to happen, and I’m not too sure how. The sleepless nights became fewer, the panic attacks stopped. Now I can talk about what happened without crying. I haven’t quite rid myself of the feeling of humiliation, but I’m working on it.
The whole Evil Episode and the healing process has been such a valuable life lesson that has not only purged my inner self and life but also allowed me to experience failure and subsequent uplifting and rebuilding.
One of the things that I missed most during the Evil Episode and the early stages of rebuilding was the freedom to GIVE. Yes, this is something that I practiced my whole life, yet took for granted. During my marriage, his ego and self-centredness ensured that all I had, all I owned, all I earned, my energy, my efforts, my time, my connections…were for him. Even my parents were deprived.
My solution to allow myself the freedom again to GIVE is through mahutahu?! This venture means so much to me. I will guard it and protect it with my life. The mahutahu?! children are my rafts of survival, rafts that I build to conquer the universe of compassion through knowledge, science and understanding.
Rebuilding Rule No.1
Stay away from toxic people, consciously or subconsciously toxic people. Take them totally out of your environment.
Rebuilding Rule No.2
Financial freedom & independence is key. Don’t listen to people who say your career or how much you earn is not important, IT IS!
Rebuilding Rule No.3
Get a home as your neutral space to nurture, rebuild & heal. Keep it NEUTRAL & PROTECTED & PERSONAL.
Rebuilding Rule No.4
Get your spiritual & intellectual bearings. Soul-Mind should be ONE for you to be the strongest.
Rebuilding Rule No.5
Emotional healing takes great effort, wisdom and ability to understand then deal with the scars in order to uplift oneself from the entrapment of abuse. Face it, deal with it!
Rebuilding Rule No.6
Work on being BEAUTIFUL, healthy & fit. Be realistic in your goals and progress. Redefine ‘beautiful’ as you progress.
Rebuilding Rule No.7
Seek to make every moment a moment of joy. Seek to be with people who bring you joy. Share with people to whom you can bring joy.