It is hard being a Malay.
It is hard being a Malay. Umno expects my vote but will not listen to my voice.
PAS wants me to wear a towel on my head and keep a beard but will deny me clarity of thoughts and beliefs for it must be their way or the highway for me and for the others who also call Malaysia their home.
PKR wants me to support a Malay, DSAI, as it entitled leader even as they tell the Malays and the non-Malays that in PKR every race can be a leader (not!).
DAP will accept me as a card-carrying party member and is at pain to tell me that meritocracy and equality are what DAP is all about and yet I see so many Chinese so high in the party’s hierarchy. It makes me wonder why there has been no Malay to lead DAP all this while. Will I be just a Token Malay there?
MCA and MIC will simply not allow me in. Bersatu? I do not like the Malays in there so I will not even go there.
When the Nons stop to read what I write I am told that my views are refreshingly liberal because I hantam the corrupt Malays, hantam the Royals for being self-centred, and give voice to what the Chinese are thinking. Yes maybe I do all that and more, but, I do all that not for the Chinese or the Non, but for myself. I write what is in my mind. And being told that I am pro Chinese by the Chinese makes me think twice when I have something to say against the Chinese lest I am labeled anti-Chinese, anti Nons and pro-Malays. And yes, there are things I want to write about the Chinese and the non that they might not want to hear. So I am conflicted.
When I speak to a Malay I am, more often than not, told to tone down my rhetoric against my own race. Against Islam. I am told that if I, a Malay, will not defend the Malays against the others, who then will? And so I am almost persuaded that I should not hantam my own race for am I not a Malay too? Almost but not totally persuaded for I want to continually speak my mind no matter what.
So it is hard being a Malay. Harder still to be a Malay blogger. You guys can keep your thoughts to yourself. We, bloggers, write and put our thoughts into the public domain. So whatever we think about race and religion, you guys can read about it. Take it for what it is….an attempt by us to share with you guys what is in our thoughts at that moment of time when we put our thoughts into words.
This is what I have learned to do in over a decade of blogging. Write what I want and damm the consequences. If you think that I am an Ultra Malay because I believe that only Umno can give the Malays a loud enough voice in Malaysian politics. So be it. If I support equality and inclusion in all things political in Malaysia and in the process I am labeled a traitor by my Malay friends, and a questionable friend by the non…so be it. And if, by what I write, the powers that be label me a threat to the Nation’s security and cannot wait to detain me upon entry into my Tanah Air, so be it.
I will live where I can live so that I can continue to write what I want and how I want. So help me God!