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NOSTALGIA

cakap cakap “Do what ever that has to be done to let us still have her”.

“I am told by the Doctor that they will need to have her at St Vincent’s for at least two weeks….and if they need to have her there for two weeks then I will also be at St Vincent for two weeks – take a few hours here and there for breaks and sleeps.      
In the first four hours of our stay there we have already had four specialists and a doctor looks her over and discussed with us her past and present condition and what they intend to do with her in the next two weeks. And the doctor, amongst other things, discussed “resuscitation” with us! She apologised first but then told us that this was something we needed to discuss. It took only a  moment for me to comprehend what she meant. The doctor told us that my wife’s physical condition is frail….if she had a heart attack attempts by them to resuscitate her might prove to be more harmful than helpful. What would I and my son want them to do? I stood still, heard and understood everything that she said but it still took a few moments to comprehend what she was asking me: If my wife’s heart stopped beating…what would I want them to do? I took another moment to steady myself …and then said…“Do whatever that has to be done to let us still have her”. The doctor nodded and left it at that.
It was already 3 pm and I wanted to go home for a short rest. I do not know how to tell you all my feelings having to leave her there by herself in the ward while my son Zack and I went home, just a few minutes away, to have lunch and a fresh up before we go again to St Vincent to keep her company until visiting time is over for the day at 8 pm. We have been there since 10 am this morning and at 3 pm we were in need of a short lunch break. Suffice to say that the frowns on my wife’s forehead when we said our goodbye this early afternoon did not put me in any good frame of mind”.


 

This morning I went back a few years and read what I wrote about my life then…about the time when my late, dear wife was ill. To have love and lost is a pain that all of us have borne. Some more than others, but to have love and lost the love of your life makes living unbearable. But life has to go on. It would disrespect the love of your life if you give up on life. And so somehow you pick yourself up, you tell yourself breath, go find sustenance, and go forth back into the same world that you and your loved one had once lived together, the same world that you now have to live in, alone. That is the way of the world. All things must pass.

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